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Unconditional love essentially means loving someone or something without any conditions. In other words, no matter what another person says, does, feels, thinks or believes in, we still love them unconditionally. The more we are able to love ourselves unconditionally, the more we are equipped to love others in the same way. This principle echoes the famous words of Jesus, “Love your neighbor as yourself” and other enlightened masters such as Lao Tzu who said, “When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you.” Conditional love is the complete opposite of unconditional love. In fact, conditional love isn’t really “love” in the truest sense of the word, because it comes from the ego, not from the heart.Unlike unconditional love which is given freely, conditional love has to be “earned” or “worked for” When this false form of love is earned, only then is affection, respect, and kindness given. While unconditional love is limitless and boundless, conditional love is restricted and limited. Unfortunately, loving unconditionally may set us up for disappointment and shame when our ideal doesn’t match the reality of how difficult or perhaps impossible, which it is to love unconditionally. While unconditional love doesn’t need anything from the other, conditional love is given only when something is received. Conditional love is inherently selfish and ego-centered,which is self-driven. Conditional love only lasts so long as certain unspoken rules are maintained or met.
Unconditional love is at the very heart of what we are searching for as human beings. Studies have shown that without love and affections, infants either develop severe cognitive and psychological dysfunction or die. Not only is unconditional love necessary for our physical health, emotional wholeness, and psychological well-being, but it is vital for our spiritual growth and developement as well. Without knowing how to access the deep wellsprings of love within us, many settle for flawed and tainted forms of affection and egotistical gratification. The sad thing is that most people aren’t even aware that they carry a source of unconditional love within themselves. We tend to believe that love is always found in the external world, in some person, animal, place or state of being. It is imperative that we learn how to access unconditional love, since, without it, we weaken in our faith and allow doubt and fear to move into our hearts. Like plants that don’t receive sunlight, we become sickly, starved, and even desperate. This desperation can lead us to enter into toxic and unhealthy relationships that are indirectly or directly harmful to our mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing.
“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” Amos 3:3 (NKJV).
This old heart will cause us to ultimately sacrifice our dreams for others, and self-sabotaging our peace and destroy our happiness for approval. Unconditional love is the only thing in the entire universe that can truly help us to experience the joy, freedom, acceptance, and peace we are so longing for. Unconditional love doesn’t have to be produced or proven. It is timeless and endless. If you want to learn how to experience unconditional love, you have to be willing to rewire your conditioned habits. The first thing you must do is allow the Lord to purge and purify your old heart, and give you a renewed inner man or new nature. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit” Psalm 51:10-12 (NKJV). “Unconditional love” can set us up for something unachievable or impossible. We have a need not only to love, but also to be loved. Rather than pursuing an impractical ideal, we can pursue a path that enables us to be attentive to others, while also being responsive to our own sincere desires and yearnings.
“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-10, 13 (NKJV).