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Day 6 – It's Psychologically Healthy to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself


“So he answered and said, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ‘your neighbor as yourself” Luke 10:27 (NKJV).

From both a spiritual and psychological perspective, it may be helpful to sometimes observe your own internal narrative and the ways that you tend to speak to yourself. Ask yourself: “would I be speaking in a loving or charitable way were I to say this to a friend?” Even more pointedly, “would Christ say these things to me if we were conversing right now?” If the answer to either question is no, try to imagine what Christ might say to you or what you might say to a close friend. The more we learn to effectively do this, the more likely we are to mature both psychologically and spiritually. Unfortunately, many of us have a problem. We have trouble even liking ourselves. If we don’t like ourselves, then it is rather difficult to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Loving ourselves better means improving our self-image in a way that increases self-esteem.

Our self-image is the picture we have in our minds of ourselves. Our idealized self is what we think we ought to be. Our self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves, good or bad. Our self-image is developed mainly from the images of ourselves which are reflected back to us by other people, our culture, and our Heavenly Father. Oftentimes, mirrors reflect to us poor images of ourselves. Culture and society say that if we have to impose a certain image in order for others to value us or even love us. Marvelous reflections come from the God who created us. If we are to become the people that God wants us to be, we must paint in our minds the image that God has in mind when He thinks of us as his finished work. “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them Psalm 139:13-16 (NKJV).

Human connection is the key to our health and happiness. This is a universal truth. A wide range of recent studies have found that prosocial behaviors such as generosity, altruism, compassion, and empathy foster the well-being of all parties involved. Even from a purely cunning, scheming, and unscrupulous standpoint, “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you” is in your own best interest. With time and practice, such a reflection may help us to truly love ourselves; not in a selfish or indulgent way, but in the way that we are called to: as Christ does. Analyze where you are in terms of your idealized self and your current self-image to get a sense of your self-esteem. Remember, the smaller the gap between self-image and idealized self, the higher your self-esteem will be. When analyzing your base-line image, be careful about two things: First, be careful that your idealized self is within the bounds of reality. Second, don’t sell yourself short. If the people around you often criticize you and tell you what a bad person you are, you may discover that it’s hard to imagine a healthy idealized self. Imagine it anyway, so it’s one thing to aim too high. It’s a shame to shoot too low. Having the ability to “love thy neighbor as thyself.” You just can’t feel love from someone when they are doing something good for you because “it is the right thing to do”. People feel love when it is really expressed. “I love you,” is a very common phrase. Many times, it just feels like it should be said. Really, though, it needs to come from the heart. Sometimes it is better to do something that says, “I love you” than saying it. “But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins” 1 Peter 4:7-8 (NKJV).

The interaction is really where true love is expressed. With interaction comes connection. With connection comes a bond. If you hate yourself, odds are it will be easier to hate your neighbor, too. People feel love when it is really expressed. “I love you,” is a very common phrase. Many times, it just feels like it should be said. Really, though, it needs to come from the heart. One of the easiest ways to create an upward spiral of fairness and prosocial behavior, so that you must learn how-to love yourself and “love thy neighbor as thyself.” To develop a positive self-esteem, self-image self-perception, you must start questioning negative ideas that have tried to hunt you from your past childhood hurts, struggles and traumas. If they’re not true, reject them. Jesus commands us to love God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. This is a whole person command. Loving God doesn’t only involve our feelings and emotions. We don’t only love Him with our intellect. Loving God doesn’t only require physical action. Loving God involves all of those components together, and each of those aspects come into submission to the Word of God. When we are thankful for Him, we can really express the love needed to plant the seed into an unbeliever’s heart. “To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise” Luke 6:29-31 (NKJV).

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